You just made me feel so damn special
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
