I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
