Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
