Got a toothbrush?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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