Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
