I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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