During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
