i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
