**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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