i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do vagina's smell?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
