I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
