I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
