false alarm. still invincible.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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