i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
