sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize