Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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