someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
