My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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