DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
