DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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