worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
