Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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