Umm I'm too high to move.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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