Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
