Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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