This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am available for nakedness
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
