Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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