Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
