she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
