dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
