And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize