I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
