I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
