They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
