Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
