Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Still dying that you shit outside
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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