did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
