Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
