At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
