ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
