I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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