i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
