Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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