can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
