You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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