it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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