I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
