First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
