If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
