you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
