that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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