Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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