Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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