Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize