I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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