get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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