I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
