i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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