I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
