just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
