If i come over, it means nothing
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
