Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
