Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
