lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
