I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
