the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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