I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
