So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
