That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
