So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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