that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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