have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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