mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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