I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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