So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
