I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
