So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize