"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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