This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
