Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize