where am i from again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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