.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize