Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
