so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
