I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did I show you my penis last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
