Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
