You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize