the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
