last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
