Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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