Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
