Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
