when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
