I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
