remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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