I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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