She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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