Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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