Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
