Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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