Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
