How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
