I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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