Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My life is pants optional.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
