We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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