she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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