I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
