One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
