I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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