maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
