I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
