I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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