So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
